I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
