u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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