Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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