Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize