she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
