Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
