I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
