She's JV to your varsity
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
