the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I stole a fireplace last night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
