I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
