I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
