maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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