I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
