when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We need to rekindle our bromance
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
