It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
