you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
