Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
