last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
