i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
