I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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