she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
