I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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