Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
