Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
