hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
