Soap is not a condiment
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
