For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
