I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
