You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
