That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
