Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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