dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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