Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
