You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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