listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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