Don't you send me to vm
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
