I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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