the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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