We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
