in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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