I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
