ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
