i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
