morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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