we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
