i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
