Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
