i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize