I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
