Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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