I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
