I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
