Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize