I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
