I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize