I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
