I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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