Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
