...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
