Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
