dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Come on in and take your pants off
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