oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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