Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
