I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
