a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize