those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
