A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
