I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
